December 2008
November 2008
My ten year reunion was more fun than I thought it would be. It was also a little bit like high school, in that I only talked to the people I liked and pretty much waved hello to everyone else. Oh, and I fucked a ridiculous amount of cheerleaders.
Sadly, I only had this idea after the reunion, which was to walk up to a random girl I wasn’t friends with, look her dead in the eyes and gravely...
My 10 year high school reunion is tonight.
In honor of hanging out with people from high school today, I will find a marching band and join it, reclaim my virginity and not understand chemistry.
saramcpherson:
Amila Borkowsky’s Mom - Lambskin...
wherescoachbombay:
Is it a deal-breaker when a guy texts “your gorgeous!” Don’t get me wrong, it is nice and all but look at the spelling. Yep. YOUR not YOU’RE. My gorgeous what?If this was an isolated incident I’d be okay with it. But he’s unfortunately a repeat offender. This really bothers me. I think it’s a deal-breaker. Is this mean?
Oops. I meant to write, “Your gorgeous, but Im in...
“A version of Shakespeare’s play, set in the world of warring indoor and outdoor gnomes.”
That’s the description of a new movie called Gnomeo and Juliet. It’s not a B-movie. It’s an animated film that stars James McAvoy and Emily Blunt.
I hope this movie is an unqualified success and allows me to find a producer for a script I wrote called Wuthering Gnomes....
“So I called him [Kanye] up and he was somewhere out of the country and...”
– Aziz, on talking to Kanye West about lovingly ripping off the name of his tour (via decider)
And if you're experiencing either one, you want it...
Q: What’s the difference between a 10 minute-long Dave Matthews Band song and prison rape?
A: Dave Matthews Band’s songs feature improvisation and prison rape is a horrific act used by prisoners to assert their power over other prisoners.
I asked my boss a simple question that I thought had a simple answer. Now I’m tasked with building Rome in a day.
This is why it’s best to work with headphones on and never make eye contact with anyone.
“Whale-watching is a lot like water-staring.”
– Demetri Martin at tonight’s UCB special show. Thanks Lee! Apparently, he’s going to have his own sketch show airing on Comedy Central in Feb. It sounds a lot like the Chappelle Show format, where he will set up the sketches with stand-up. (via kapowbykao)
I’m super glad I missed this in...
That new Killers song “Spaceman” is so tasty I want to wrap it in kosher bacon and eat it with a fork.
For the first time in my life I’m making decisions that I’m confident in. I hope this feeling isn’t fleeting.
Watchsoupsoup:
madeupmemories:
itsthereal:
Save the turntables, save the world. Co-starring Travie McCoy and Amanda Diva.
THINGS THAT ARE FALSE: That we consider Kanye’s latest album a disappointment.
THINGS THAT ARE TRUE: That Elena doesn’t know anything about hip-hop, or sports, or changing a car tire.
Why have you never looked at a picture of female prisoners and gone, “Wow, those ladies are fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!”
The answer can’t be because you never refer to women as “fine”.
(via)
“Hillary Rodham Clinton has decided to give up her Senate seat and accept the...”
– Clinton Is Said to Opt for Secretary of State Position - The Caucus Blog - NYTimes.com (via mikehudack)
So who takes her place as the junior Senator from New York?
(via adamiss) either an upstate business person, caroline kennedy or if tumblr starts a big campaign possibly this guy (via...
I was only able to get one ticket to Snow Patrol’s tiny show at Bowery Ballroom on December 1st.
I’m going to stand by myself, cry through every song and hold up a faded picture of a girl the entire time.
“You have all the tools.”
– a wise woman
Me + tumblr sitting in a tree (for one year)
I just realized that yesterday was my one year anniversary on tumblr. I guess I should say a few words.
I’d like to thank Marco and David for creating this special platform that enables me to easily post my thoughts to the entire world.
I’d like to thank all the girls whose tumblogs I follow just because they post hot pictures of themselves (I’m looking at you,...
It's all a test
Girl: I love you.
Guy: I love you too, baby.
Girl: You do?
Guy: Of course!
Girl: How much?
Guy: Uhh... a lot?
Girl: What do you mean "uhh"?
Guy: I said a lot! What do you want from me?
Girl: The truth. I need you to tell me exactly how much you love me. A lot is not an answer.
Guy: I'm fucking your best friend.
Girl: I knew it!
Guy: I have no idea why I told you that.
My color palatte on my Gmail changed, but I still don’t have access to the new themes.
So like any rational, non-time wasting, hard working human being, I’ve been constantly clicking on the Settings button to check if the Themes tab has shown up yet.
Click. Click. Click.
I was standing on the bus this morning when it stopped unexpectedly. I was holding on, but not too tight, so I fell into this guy’s lap.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” I said, as I fell into his arms like we were on the cover of a romance novel.
“No problem,” he said.
“Because Jews were required by doctrine to read the Torah four times a week, Jews...”
– from American Nerd: The Story of My People by Benjamin Nugent
Attention Time Warner customers
Do not get the new Time Warner HD DVR. It is the biggest piece of crap in the world. The interface is horrible. It’s also slow and buggy.
I know you’re thinking, “Oh, they’re all crap.” Not so! The Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8300 HD was awesome. The 8300 HDC is an obamanation, much like the book.
Coupon for $10 off your purchase of $50 or more at... →
itsbedtime:
tesslynch:
yumwatch:
So necessary.
TUMBLR PRESENTS
Hyde!!!!!!!
This isn’t available in New York. Boo. But if you’re reading this in So Cal, enjoy.
“I love the way you dance with anybody (the way you swing) and tease them all by...”
– “Something In Your Mouth” by Nickelback
Nickelback has deceived you with this song title by referring to a young lady sucking on her thumb instead of performing fellatio on the band Nickelback. Nickelback has defeated you.
The problem with answering emails is that it results in more emails. This is distressing.
I tried smiling at her, I have! I’ve never gotten a smile in return. She works in my office building. We don’t work for the same company, but we’ve see each other about three or four times a day for over a year.
I bet her nickname in high school was Senator Buzzkill.
“I know my parents love each other, but my dad can’t stand my mom...”
– a girl to her co-workers, overheard in the company cafeteria
“You can’t know for sure that they still love each other. Your parents are old and their love probably died years ago when you left for college and they had no one to focus on. Love is illusory,” I said to her as I...
optimisto:
Edan - “Torture Chamber” Live - really...
Down an organ (?)
graybunny:
Is a gallbladder an organ? I don’t know, but I don’t have one anymore. I plan to become well acquainted with Vicodin over the next couple days, but everything went fine!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you don’t have a gallbladder, I can’t be your friend.
Glad everything went well though!
The left side of my mouth is numb from getting a filling replaced. I’m hungry, but I’m afraid to eat because I might chew my entire cheek off.
I sure would like to turn the other cheek and eat already! Right?!
TiVo: Now With More Just Kill Yourself!
eec:
TiVo, the pioneer of digital video recorders, will launch a service to let subscribers order and track deliveries from Domino’s Pizza through their televisions. (via)
Will it be able to track what’s going on inside your body while you eat the pizza, as the cheese and grease clog your arteries and kill you from heart disease?
Because I’d totally get TiVo then.
That dude from No Doubt and his ridiculously hot girlfriend were a few rows behind me on my JetBlue flight tonight.
Because of this, I had “Don’t Speak” stuck in my head all day. DAMN YOUUUU KANAL!
Luckily JetBlue had the NFL Red Zone Channel which is like watching football on speed. It’s a great way to pass the time if you’re stuck at 39,000 feet for 5.5 hours.
“I love a bitch who wear glasses.”
– Lil Wayne on Sarah Palin
“She’s crazy about me. And I love her. So I’m going to dump her...”
– the opening line to my unreleased how-to book, “Dumping People for Fun and Profit”
Taxi Driver
I’ve had the same cab driver this week take me to work each day. I call the cab company and they always send Jerry. It’s worked out well since he knows a quick route to get here. He’s also incredibly nice.
I called him a half hour before the pick up time to confirm that he’d be there. He said sure. But when I go outside, I see a cab parked in front. And it’s not his...
“You cant be free if in any way, you’re holding the hand of fear.”
– Ram Dass (via katespencer)
A few years back, my roommate had Ram Dass’ book “Remember, Be Here Now” on his bookshelf. He told me that looking at the images in the book can make you feel high.
“Yeah, right.”
After paging through the book for about 10 minutes, I had to...
Don’t get me wrong, I love Pepa. But I believe Salt-N was really the driving force behind the whole operation.
I just wrote a reminder to myself that said, “Call insurance company. Tell them we resubmitted the claim.”
Did I just write WE? That can’t be good. I just hope my other personality doesn’t like Nickelback. That shit would be embarrassing.