May 2008
I am not man enough to handle Slipknot
I never listened to Slipknot until a few minutes ago. This quote from one of the bandmembers intruiged me: “This is nine guys, an assault on the senses, a physical war through music, and it’s going to be force-fed down your throat, and it will turn your insides out. It’s been designed to destroy you.” I laughed when I read that. Then I listened. He was not kidding. I think...
“You know what would be nice? If you could make this room look less like a...”
– Iggy Pop’s tour rider (via thesmokinggun)
My inner monologue on... the bus
Ok, I just take my Metrocard out of my wallet and place it downward in the machine… aaaand accepted! Yeah, that’s right ladies: unlimited access to buses and trains. You could say I’m a VIP of this whole transit game. Oh man, no seats? Wait, I see one! Shit, it’s in the middle of the bus in that connector. Hello, pretty lady in green dress and black tights. I will sit next...
A friend emailed me about my last post: “Just wondering— is this you being passive aggressive to someone in particular or just pathetic in general? Either way it’s funny.” When in doubt, I’m being pathetic! Actually, that wasn’t based on anything that happened recently. Sometimes it’s just more fun to write in the voice of a complete pushover.
Love is a funny word. It’s not spelled like it sounds! How frustrating for non-English speakers. To simplify things, from now on we should spell it l-e-e-i-j-u-s-t-w-a-n-t-t-o-b-e-f-r-i-e-n-d-s. (I’m not sure if this joke makes sense, but I never let that stop me before)
Here’s something to say to a friend or colleague after they go on and on about one of their many accomplishments: “Eww, you just gloated all over me. What a mess.” It won’t make you any friends, but they will be impressed at how clever you are. Like me! I’m sooooooo clever. Look at me! Over here! I did something great!
Avett Brothers - Murder in the City This song is...
Green tea + frothy milk = green tea and frothy...
I bought a teaccino on my way into work today to spice up my morning. I was excited to drink it since it was billed as a frothy mix of my choice of tea and milk. As I took my first sip, I was transported to a new world. A world where green tea and frothy milk combine to create a new taste sensation! After finishing it I realized it just tasted like normal green tea with some heated up milk in it....
I suppose it beats waiting in line for food...
I waited in line for a slice of pizza. For what felt like 20 minutes. At 2:30 in the afternoon. After I’d already eaten lunch (however meager). Note to self: do not go to cheap, neighborhood pizza joint the day it has been reviewed in the NYT. My faulty logic was as follows: ‘It’s 2:30, who’s going to want to eat pizza between lunch and dinner?’ I got my answer:...
“The clothes! The shoes! The magical depiction of Manhattan and the promise of...”
– Christy Lemire, AP movie critic, on the Sex and the City movie Ohhhh. Finally, someone clears it up for me.
Apes and Opthamologists
I got my pupils dialated this morning. When I left, I had a huge orange smudge over my eye and down my cheek. I looked like I copied this dude’s makeup from Apes and Androids: I didn’t realize I looked like this until I got home. If only I had gone to the eye doctor on Friday, I could’ve gone right to the show and fit in.
“I don’t want to be attached right now.”
– my roommate, to some guy in my living room, no doubt breaking his heart
Weird No Country for Old Men trivia
In the novel (but not in the movie), Sheriff Bell says of the dope-dealers, “Here a while back in San Antonio they shot and killed a federal judge.” McCarthy set the story in 1980. In 1979, in San Antonio, Federal Judge John Howland Wood was shot and killed by rifle fire by a Texas free-lance contract killer named Charles Harrelson. Actor Woody Harrelson (Carson Wells in the movie) is...
Watchjoewengert: Here is another video that I wrote for the Onion News Network. I’m pretty sure that Donkey Bball footage is stuff that I found while working on the script. Joe keeps recycling the same old donkey basketball joke you’ve heard a million times.
Everybody loves a hero
My friend told me the following story about his fraternity at a liberal arts school on the east coast. I have no idea what to make it of it, other than to note that human nature is a funny thing. A guy in his frat, we’ll call him John, was extremely introverted. He had a hard time talking to women. Not surprisingly, John was also a virgin in his 20s, despite being surrounded by drunk...
Dear Neighbor, I know you love Alicia Keys. We all do. What a talented, young soul singer. Her songs “You Don’t Know My Name” and “No One” are both great. Here’s my only question: was there a reason for playing both these songs at top volume at 10:30 AM? Because not all of us are awake at that time. I hope next time you’re trying to sleep on your day off,...
Radiohead has always needed more banjo
[Johnny] Greenwood would like to even throw a banjo into the mix, but said he gets “level looks” from his bandmates whenever he brings it out. “There’s a ban on banjos,” said his 38-year-old brother. (via AP) I want to hear “Just” on banjo! Hopefully they wise up and harness the true power of the instrument.
WatchAfter reading Jessica’s post, I watched an awful 60 Minutes piece on Millenials (what they’re calling people our age these days). Apparently, we’re spoiled “narcissistic praise hounds” because we don’t subscribe to the exact same ideals our parents did when it comes to work and lifestyle. The part that made me laugh the most was Morley Safer’s face when he...
Nectar of the jews
I get excited about going out to eat the best hummus in the city like other people get excited about going out to the club and getting hammered. As an aside, “hummus is my anti-drug” would make a great commercial.
MTA breeds creativity - one slow L train at a time
I’m glad the L train took forever last night. While waiting, I challenged myself to come up with the most clichéd romantic comedy plot possible. I’m going to start writing the dialogue and hope that I can turn it into a 2-3 minute short (animated, hopefully!). Thanks, MTA!
Nothing ever changes
I hung out with three guys from high school tonight. I haven’t been in the same room with all of them for ten years, since we all left the small town we grew up in. The dynamic between all of us is pretty much what it was back then. The conversation came easy. It’s like finding an old hoodie you forgot you had. When you put it on, it’s like you never took it off. One of the...
Yankees today at 1
If you’re going to be at the game, send me an email on your smartphone! Maybe we can wave to each other from our respective sections! If you have no smartphone, you may not get in touch with me (unless you have my number already, then call me!). I’m at itssharingtime at gmail.com.
Spider-Man 3 and Bright Eyes
I just finished watching Spider-Man 3. I’m a little slow with taking time to see blockbusters sometimes. I prefer watching obscure films that no one has ever heard about, created by experimental French filmmakers who make films expressly for my viewing pleasure. Often, the end result are the best films ever created. But I digress. Here’s what I couldn’t get over: how whenever...
Momofuku's bibimbap < The Smith's bibimbap
I went to Momofuku ssam bar for the first time today! It was good, but… How is this possible that I prefer The Smith’s bibimbap? I came in expecting to like Momofuku more, but that didn’t quite happen. Then again, I haven’t had much Korean food. I did walk through Koreatown once though. That’s pretty much expert status right there.
Tick tock
I have never seen a line at Shake Shack like there is right now.
People lining up for at least an hour… for a hamburger (albeit a delicious one).
“The way I write is very much without kind of a goal. I have something I’m...”
– Charlie Kaufman (via AP) People this talented sicken me. What does he mean he doesn’t have a goal?!
This made me look like a laughing fool on the bus...
“Not only is it not necessary to read ‘Interview With the Vampire’ by Anne Rice before you die, it is also probably not necessary to read it even if, like Lestat, you are never going to die.” (via nytimes)
The only people who hate him are the undead
I tried watching Spiderman 3 for the first time tonight, but I kept falling asleep. I’m wondering if I should finish it at all. I mean, I’ve already seen Bruce Campbell’s cameo. How can anything top that?
Timing is everything
When is a bad time to go into your boss’ office for advice? before he’s had lunch after he gets off the phone with his wife after he gets off the phone with a contractor after he and his wife argue about what to tell the contractor who is installing spigots in their house all of the aboveOops.
The meaning of modern life
These past few days I’ve been thinking about what I think all working people think about at some point or another. What’s the point of the endless cycle of work and weekends? We all get up each morning, commute to a job we tolerate/hate, grab a drink at night and then blow off steam on the weekend. Wash, rinse, repeat. I’ve been informed by multiple sources (since I’m not...
Ahh, the fresh smell of morning dew on a farm bill
Obama had to go and support the farm bill. Why, Obama, why? Here’s a great explanation of what the farm bill does from the Baltimore Sun: “First American taxpayers funnel billions to agri-business so it can sell at anticompetitive prices; then taxpayers have to pay billions more so people can afford to eat.” This is the only thing the President and I agree on. He tried to veto...
yourdp: I just walked past Morgan Freeman Nice! Yesterday I passed John Lithgow. He looked older than a moldy sack of potatoes.
Mathnet > Numb3rs
I wish Mathnet were an actual TV series. I don’t remember much about my childhood, but I do recall being riveted by its stories and characters. Oh wait, it is a TV series. It’s called Numb3rs.
Sharingtime.info: same shit, new address
You can now find me at sharingtime.info, since sharingtime.tumblr.com was too much of a pain in the ass to type. Thanks to David for convincing/forcing me at gunpoint to buy a domain.
I don't tip you to think
As I’m leaving a bar, a waitress playfully blocks my only exit out. “And where do you think you’re going?” she coos. Cute move, I think. I turn the other way, which I know is a dead end. “That’s not an exit,” she so sassily declares. I ask her how much Guinness is so I can settle my part of the tab. “It’s $6. And don’t forget to tip...
“American gas stations now make more money selling food (and cigarettes) than...”
– Michael Pollan, In Defense of Food
After going to the reading of Ben Nugent’s new book, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s smarter than all of us and deserves all the success he has coming to him. And that is why I despise him! Seriously, go buy his book. The excerpts he read were funny and insightful, like a bit about him and his friends battling each other with swords on a soccer field at 13 and nerds in...