March 2009
I’m writing a screenplay about two sisters who are slutty cheerleaders for a professional football team in Florida. They also are ER doctors.
I’m calling my movie “And Twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinz… M.D.” and it will gross $200 million at the box office.
February 2009
Apparently, there ain't no way to pay for the... →
While I know everything on the WSJ editorial page is far-right of Karl Rove’s views, this is a tad scary if it’s true. Anyone want to send me a link that can dispute this? (via a very angry man)
I've been outsourced. There's now a guy in India...
“Maybe this, of all things, was the true price of family - being unable to stop...”
– from The Given Day by Dennis Lehane
I learned everything I know about sex from porn,...
Nation Instinctively Forms Breadline →
That's it: I'm moving back to New York.
I got my first electric bill here in Colorado. I could hardly believe it: $5.39 (for 18 days).
UGH. Why does electricity have to be so cheap and plentiful here?!?!?!?!
“Because I enjoy a good story filled with hope, Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green have broken up, according to US Magazine:
“The relationship had run its course,” an insider tells Us exclusively. “It’s completely amicable, and they are remaining friends.” Fox, 22, and Green, 35, now “are both focusing on their careers,” the source adds.”
(via...
This is my favorite song from the new album....
“People don’t want truth, they want certainty. Or the illusion of it.”
– from The Given Day by Dennis Lehane
Baby, like fine prepackaged lettuces, my dick is...
This combines two of my favorite things: ready-to-eat food and a dick joke.
Stray Link: Andy Richter And Conan O’Brien To... →
thedailywhat:
Richter to be show’s announcer.
Awesome.
“There’s still no firm proof that raunchy music makes kids have sex, but a new study provides another suggestion that there’s at least some kind of link between “degrading” songs and teenage sexual activity.
The findings indicate that “people who are exposed to certain messages in music are more likely to copy or emulate what they hear,” said Dr. ...
That just puts me in the mood for a Moons Over My...
Chris just informed me that at the Chicago-area Denny’s where he used to work, some of the cooks and dishwashers would shower in the kitchen using the spray hose attached to the sink.
If you believe in media conspiracies, you should...
(cough)
“Each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage.”
– this quote is attributed to Catherine Douzel, who only exists in the context of this quote. there is absolutely nothing else on the internet about her. so I’m thinking: I come up w/a quote about tea, submit it to all the tea quote sites, and just let it propagate for a while. soon enough, you’ll be...
Watchmadeupmemories:
itsthereal:
Killa Cam answers all your toughest questions and lets you know what’s really good.
[PREVIOUSLY: Hey Ma, Look What We Found!]
Hmm…I’m supposed to talk about this video in a magazine interview tonight, so I guess I shouldn’t tell all of my good stories here. But, I will say that it was crazy to be working on day-job stuff at 3:58, to get a phone call at 3:59...
How you doin?
My girlfriend is pretty. Men notice this and sometimes shout at her in a way anthropologists believe to be in a sexually forward manner. She does her best to ignore the attention, but I think it would better serve her to have witty comebacks.
Here are my suggestions:
“No! I want to put my dick in your mouth!”
“The relative loudness of your voice is inversely proportionate to...
Hey Los Angeles,
Way to have overcast skies the entire weekend I was visiting.
This is why no one likes you. Oh, and also because you’re dumb.
Sincerely,
Lee
NYC Vegan Recs
lovepuppy:
1. Caravan of Dreams
2. Pure Food and Wine
3. Red Bamboo
4. Counter
and in LA:
Real Food Daily, which is my all time favorite restaurant
Oh, Jessica. You are wrong. So deliciously wrong.
1. Candle79
2. Blossom
3. Candle Cafe
4. Counter
“That dude’s pickin’ up yo’ scraps!”
– the proper way to refer to the man who’s now boning your ex-girlfriend
Lady: Which girl was homeschooled?
Lee: The awkward one?
This blurb on Conan in Slate got me to thinking:
“I know about that last part because I’m one of those fans, a member of the demographic most likely to view Conan with love and affection: people who reached late-night-TV-watching age at around the same time Conan’s show started getting good, around 1995 or so. If you’re like me, you started watching Conan regularly at...
“I’m not feeling creative today, so I’m going to throw up a quote by...”
– me, before I became too lazy to do even that
We are all diseased.
If teen pregnancy is the symptom, babies are the disease.
If bacon is the symptom, heart disease is (quite literally) the disease.
If garbage is the symptom, consumerism is the disease.
If blogging is the symptom, we are all diseased.
Great Conan profile from 2002 →
Dude is way fucking smarter than he likes to come across on TV.
This article also includes quotes like, “And so the point of that story is, I think I’m Lyndon Johnson. I think I have a huge cock. I think that I’m a very persuasive Texan. I think I’ve done a lot for civil rights.”
Is That A Phone In Your Pocket? →
upsider:
A new study finds that the radiation emitted by cell phones can lower sperm quality (Newsweek)
Random? Yes. But thought it might be some worthwhile info to pass along…
New from the Catholic Church: the Cell Phone Method.
Yawn
This morning on my walk to work through two parking lots, up a hill filled with daisies and dandelions and over a river and through the woods, I realized something about the nature of being.
It sucks to be tired.
It just dawned on me who subscribes to USA Today....
I go to the doctor when I’m not sick just to keep them on their toes.
I never know how to end IM conversations, so I...
I'm approaching one month of not living in New...
meaghano:
(via sharingtime)
You know what’s also weird? You’ve been gone a month and I still haven’t worked my way through your spare change! I have been buying coffee with it every day, too— and SILVER ONLY!
That’s great! Funny story: it was the night before I was leaving the city and I had a bunch of change sitting on my dresser. I didn’t have time to take it to the bank and it...
I'm approaching one month of not living in New...
Watchrickyv:
ER Promo: A new CH vid (and an instant all-time favorite). Digg.
Wow.
The Daily Show did a Christmas joke last week, so...
This is a song I just wrote. Enjoy!
“Hanukkah”
Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand? Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming? Is this burning a flame for eight days even though there was only enough oil for one? I believe it’s meant to be, darling I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me Do you feel the same, am I...