May 2009
Watchanjalouise:
dalasverdugo:
If you need something to do this weekend, you’re in luck. The entire first season of Peep Show (aka one of the best British comedies ever made seriously I’m not joking it starts out at incredible and only gets better) is on Hulu!
You’re pretty much required to watch this show.
I was very, very happy to re-watch. I would watch every episode in a row and not leave my...
Famous people are everywhere!
So I’m in LA and I’m at lunch in a restaurant on Sunset and you’ll never guess who’s at the table next to mine!!!!!
ZAKK FUCKING EFRONN.
No no no no. Not Zac Efron, famous actor. This is ZAKK FUCKING EFRONN, the guy from the pornos with a name very similar to a famous actor people have heard of.
He was in “High School Musical and Also There Is Fucking In Classrooms...
Don't even get me started on Compton
My cab is driving me through the California neighborhood of Inglewood. We just passed an old white lady powerwalking on the side of the highway. This is confusing. Isn’t Inglewood supposed to be dangerous? My rule of thumb is if Dr. Dre raps about the place, it’s not safe. For example, in “California Love” he doth spake: “Inglewood, Inglewood always up to no...
You know, they say familiarity breeds contempt,...
The miracle of life
You know how it takes like a whole ENTIRE WEEK for the pill to kick in when a girl first starts taking it? It’s an eternity!
So anyhow my girlfriend wanted to stop using condoms right away too. But how could we wait a week?!?! We couldn’t. But I wanted to be safe too, so I convinced her to take all 30 in one night. It didn’t quite work and I wanted to publicly apologize.
...
The One With The Neverending Delays
After every announcement that my flight has been delayed a little longer, I’d feel better if they tried to assuage my disappointment with some music.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s unfortunate that your flight has been delayed another forty to fifty hours. And now, the Friends theme song!
So no one told you life was going to be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re...
Party in Denver International Airport!
My flight’s been delayed. Anyone in the Denver International Airport? Let’s have a meetup!
I’m at itssharingtime at gmail.
Well folks, I’m en route to LA. It’s my least favorite place in the world next to prison (cops wanna lock me up for my litterin’) and anytime I find myself in front of a TV with TLC on.
Let’s do this!
I just found an email I didn't reply to from 1999
So here’s my reply:
“Oh shit. I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, Rob. Things have been CRAZY BUSY here. Let’s definitely hang out after biology class in the lockers outside Ms. Snuckheim’s office, but we graudated years ago so everything that’s happened in human history is basically after biology class, but…
Yeah, nothing much is new...
“People who frequently check their e-mail have tested as less intelligent than...”
– From NY Mag’s article on Distraction. Uh oh. (via sarahschneider) (via asprettyasasong)
This is why I go to work high and never check my email.
This was included in my book "1,001 Jokes...
Commercials tried to convince me growing up that Foldgers was the best part of waking up.
I always thought it was my huge erection.
The Pussycat Dolls were awesome
Sometimes when I go to concerts by myself alone, so very alone, I type emails to myself on my phone to make everyone think I’m texting my millions of friends who are surely right about to get here any minute.
Yep, here they are! Look everyone, it is my friend who is here to hang out at this concert with me! I have friends!
Oops. Not my friend. That was someone who looks similar to a friend...
It's an open secret in the music industry that...
Sharing Time! is probably the funniest guy on... →
kaytee:
I want to reblog everything he posts, so I’m posting this link to save myself the trouble.
Clearly this is a result of her strep throat induced hallucinations. Thanks!
Tips to save Jon & Kate's marriage (from TLC's...
Go back in time and don’t use fertility treatment so you don’t end up with three hundred children
While you’re there back in time, don’t agree to have your lives taped
Problem solved.
(idiots)
“Police said Patten approached two women early Saturday, called one an offensive name referring to gay men and pushed one into a cafe window, which broke.
Authorities said Patten was drunk and thought the women were gay men.”
(via coloradodaily.com)
Lady Gaga, this is on you.
My last name is pronounced Fuck Off (it's...
Waiter: Can I see your ID?
Sharingtime: Sure.
Waiter: Hmm. How do you say your last name?
Sharingtime: It's actually none of your business.
Waiter: Well what if I refuse to serve you because what you say doesn't match up with your ID?
I look at him like he's an idiot. He stares at me for a second blankly and then takes our orders.
(This actually happened.)
Oh, the chains of love
You know when someone says they’ll call you, but they don’t? This is what I go through every day with my girlfriend.
She claims that she doesn’t get good reception from the LANDLINE in juvie, but she seems to always get in touch with me right away when she needs money for Twinkies from the commissary.
Side note: I’m hoping she gets charged as an adult so my parents stop...
Morning not-so-fun fact
More people die in Colorado from suicide than from car crashes.
Crazy.
(via local news)
That girl is like spam. She emails my ass all day...
I'm going to open up a restaurant called "Day Old...
22nd Century Relationship Issues Pt. 2
“Ugh, my virtual girlfriend won’t have give me a holographic bj. Ever since cyborg women got artificial intelligence it’s been impossible to get laid around here [Mars].”
WatchNation’s Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: “Let’s Move In Together”
This is amazing.
Amazon's mp3 store makes dreams come true
Grizzly Bear’s new album is on Amazon now for 4 bucks. Oh, Amazon, how I love your mp3 store. I hope you put iTunes out of business.
(via largeheartedboy)
22nd Century Relationship Issues
“I asked my girlfriend to marry me, but I don’t know if she got the text.”
Their song "Freedom" must particularly resonate...
I just found out a guy I was friends with when I was a teenager is on an ABC reality show about newlyweds tonight.
I wonder if he’ll talk about that Rage Against the Machine tape he dubbed for me when I was thirteen! That’s basically all I remember about him.
And that was the last time Shecky McJewface...
“I believe Native Americans should have rights. The rights to deal me a blackjack!”
File under: films I will never see
“The White Ribbon,” a meticulous examination of patriarchal domination, won the Palme d’Or at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival on Sunday. Directed by the Austrian-born Michael Haneke and shot in black and white, the much-admired film — a foundation story about National Socialism set in a rural pre-World War I German community — turns on a series of violent events that appear to be the work of some...
“People care what I think! I have a prestigious blog, sir!”
– Roman DeBeers (Martin Starr) in Party Down
fmylife:
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, “please don’t make me do this.” FML
I think FML is going to turn me into the least empathetic person in the universe.
Confidential to that dude: WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
Smoking weed has completely ruined my short-term...
Dude: I just graduated with my MFA.
Sharingtime: Congrats! Which fast food restaurant will you be working in?
After that conversation I was "All By Myself"
She told me that “It’s A Small World” reminded her of when we had sex that one time.
I told her The Strokes song “Is This It” reminded me of how I felt afterwards.
“There are a lot of people in Brooklyn who still tout the Annie Hall line, of,...”
– Mike Sweeney, Conan’s head writer, in the NY Observer (via tvtattle)
Having spent a lot of time in Wilmington, Delaware myself, I can tell you that there is no world to dig into. But I’d still probably rather live there than Los Angeles. I just gave myself the creeps thinking about...
Pancake horse
If you unfollow me, tumblr should have a window pop up that asks you to leave a comment as to why you’re doing so.
I believe the most popular comment will be:
“I am a stupid person too stupid to recognize the genius inherent in every post you make, Lee. I’m sorry I have failed you by unfollowing your blog, but I was too dumb to get any of it in the first place. Pancake...
“I love drinking. Hate people who don’t drink. Never met an interesting...”
– Jim Jeffries, from his new HBO special
Whereby I try to be gangsta and fail miserably
“Yeah, I let my chamomile tea steep for two and a half minutes even though the box says two. Why? BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.”
Sharingtime's T-Shirts (to be sold only at stores...
“Who Needs A Dog? My Wife’s A Bitch”
(pictured is a drawing of dog in a dress with lots of blush and lipstick making a kissyface)
South America is a rough place to live. All the people who were caught crying for Argentina in the late 40’s? Executed.
All the curly fries are seasoned with tears
Whenever my boss tells me to do something, I’m like, “Fuck you! You’re not my dad!” And then my boss will say to me, “Fuck you! You’re not my son!”
Then we run into opposite corners of the room and cry into the sleeves of our Arby’s uniforms.
I forgot to write about seeing Flight of the Conchords at Red Rocks this past weekend, but luckily Adam Cayton-Holland wrote a recap for me. He’s a funny dude.
One note: Red Rocks is where Jesus is going to hold mass when he comes back from the dead (that’s what Jesus would do, right?). It’s that nice.
Mmm, blood!
I like that when you order guac at a fancy Mexican restaurant they prepare it in front of you at the table. It makes me feel special.
I think there’d be a lot more vegetarians in the world if they did the same thing when you ordered chicken fajitas.
Waitress: “I’m going to need to ask everyone to please put on their gloves and eye masks. When we chop this poor guy’s head...
If Patrick Dempsey made marinara sauce, I would...
I realized what it was about New York that made it not fun for me to live there. It can all be summed up in one activity: food shopping.
I did most of my grocery shopping at Whole Foods in Union Square. It was close to my apartment, they had the kind of food I wanted and it was on the way home from work. But something as simple as food shopping is not quite as simple in a big city.
Here are some...
30 Rock pushed back to "midseason"
Come on, NBC! This is your funniest show. Why would you even push it back a week?
“And here’s NBC, and here’s the biggish news - “30 Rock” will sit on the bench until those “Saturday Night Live Weekend Update” editions air.
That can’t be good, right? Well, it’s not that big a deal either: NBC will use Thursday 9:30 to pop...