January 2011
WatchI was catching up on Conan this weekend and watched the bit where he visits the Madame Tussaud’s wax museum. This is the best remote I’ve seen them do so far.
I could watch an hour each night of Conan interacting with South Korean tourists. Really great.
Whereby I try snowboarding for the first time
I don’t usually like to brag, but today I strapped on a snowboard for the first time and did not run over any small children… with my snowboard. I hit a few of ‘em powerdrivin’ my Segway on the way home.
Also, everything in my body hurts and I want to swallow a bottle of Advil.
Actually, it was a lot of fun. I’m not good at it, but there’s something great...
I canceled a trip to New York this weekend and missed out on seeing my favorite stuttering, precious British comedian. So I stayed home and ended up talking to a stuttering, precious American suit maker for a story.
The world sure does have an odd way of balancing itself out.
Talking with my therapist
Therapist: Lee, I think you're depressed.
Me: Oh really? Would a depressed person DO THIS?
Therapist: Do what?
Me: Ask questions that END LOUDLY?
Therapist: Yes.
Me: WHAT ABOUT at the beginning of questions?
Therapist: That's nonsensical.
Me: Would a depressed person keep his voice at the same tenor for the entire question, but while he's asking the question, be creating a playlist made entirely of songs that make him cry?
Therapist: Depends. What songs make him cry?
Me: The Black Eyed Peas entire catalog.
Therapist: You seem normal to me.
A post I wrote to avoid doing my job for another...
Song I sang in the shower today: “O.P.P.” by Naughty by Nature
Song I played in the shower today on the tiny waterproof piano I keep in my shower: All six of Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos
Songs I composed in the shower today: the entire The Social Network score, often incorrectly attributed to Trent Reznor and some dude named Atticus (that’s not even a real name!)
The...
A Modest Proposal
I watched Half Nelson last night and have determined that we should make crack smoking mandatory for all middle school teachers in this country.
Silver lining
A Bud Light truck slammed into a Coors Light van during a snowstorm today in Colorado. Both the car and truck were demolished and all the bottles inside both vehicles were destroyed, but no beer was harmed.
Anyone an Umphrey's McGee fan?
I’m interviewing one or more of the band members soonish. Is anyone a fan? Anything you’d like to ask them? All my questions so far are annoying ones designed to be sort of funny (my specialty!), and I thought it’d be nice to have one or two interesting ones relevant to the band.
Please note that if I ask the question, I will make it like I came up with it on my own and you will...
Philosophers
“All I’m saying is simply this, that all life is interrelated, that somehow we’re caught in an inescapable network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny.”
- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
“I just ran into my friend at the supermarket and he was like, ‘what are you doing here?!’ and I said, ‘just getting some paper towels! Big...
In 2020, the fastest way to get a reality TV show will be to open a pawn shop.
Life imitates nothing
A high school bus just dropped off a load of students at the stop I’m waiting at. I’ve seen so many of MTV’s Skins previews that I expect at any moment someone’s clothes to be flying off and prescription drugs to be snorted right off that girl’s clarinet case.
Ha, never mind, she has a clarinet case.
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Selected thoughts on the future from someone who...
I am tipsy as fuuuuuuuuck. I just had some amazing ricotta gnocci with wild mushrooms and some strong Belgian beer and now I’m blogging like there’s no tomorrow.
I mean, there is gonna be a tomorrow, but who knows if our currency is going to be worth anything by then.
Spend em while you got em.
Ughhhhhhh
At a restaurant today, a Mexican worker for whom English was a second language used the phrase, “and I was like OMG” to me in a sentence. It is important to note that he is a grown man.
The only thing I could say back was, “Were you?! Because in the non-digital world, you’re not limited to 140 characters. You can say the entire phrase ‘oh my Gary’ and no one...
Breaking news
This one time a girl took a picture of a cat and didn’t post it somewhere on the internet.
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