Sharing Time!

And the best job in the world goes to...

…genius TV writer/producer Sam Simon, who last worked on The Simpsons in 1993. “Sam is still an executive producer of the show; he just doesn’t have to do anything for his piece of The Simpsons, which provides him with $20 to $30 million a year to this day.”

Not for nothing, Sam is responsible for writing/exec-producing episodes in some of the show’s best years (seasons 1-5), so it’s not like he didn’t do anything to earn it. Even better than making $20 mill a year for doing nothing is that his ex-wife, Jennifer Tilly, has made an estimated nine figures over the years just for divorcing the guy (according to Sam on Howard Stern). Yeah. Like over $100 million. Not a typo.

This and much, much more in the fascinating The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History by John Ortved. And this from a guy who is most certainly not a fanboy. I’m only halfway through and I’m already amazed at all the backstabbing and horribleness that went on behind the scenes.

BREAKING: Steinbrenner’s Heart Monitor Flatlines As Yankees Make Final Out Of World Series

— 

TheOnion

Wow.

Balls.

The Yankees will most likely win the World Series in a very short time and as a Phillies fan, I feel the need to say the following:

• the Yankees are still a bunch of stupidheads
• the Phillies are still great

That is all.

Luv

lindsaymccown:

It happens to me all the time. I sit down to deliberately write something (an essay, a letter, a story) and I don’t have a single thing to say. But then, randomly and when I least expect it, I’ll be walking through the grocery store or talking to a friend when words and passages suddenly flood my mind and I start writing like there is no tomorrow. Today, during a random chat with an educated, eloquent friend about Boston Creme Pie, I wrote my wedding vows.

Friend: Well, the never trying [Boston Creme Pie] part is fine, but knocking it as not tasting good is just wrong if you’ve never tried it. It is WRONG. I still luv u tho honey, here’s a rose &——->—-$%^## (at the bottom are the thorns)
Me: bay-bee, i love u so much, n no1 can tell me to stop luving you SCREW THEM there jealous bc u r my baby. My mom is just a bitzch SHE DON’T EVEN KNOW U BABY not like i do lol and i will show you 4ever baby til we die in each otherz arms xoxo lol
Friend: Is that real or did you just make that up because I can’t tell the difference.  It’s so convincing. I’m a little scared you used to be one of those people, but you’re much too smart.
Me: when i sleep i dream of u. my love 4 u goes on 4ever. when ppl say that there iz 1 person out there 4 u, i didn’t believe them until i met you baby. its been 2 months and this is true love. u have been here thru rough times and when u say those 3 words all i wanna do is be wit u.
Me: ^o,o^ look baby, its an owl bc ‘who who’ loves u? me. and i will luv u 4ever, u r the reason i can fly.
Friend: Lindz baby, ur so impt to me and I try to put it into werds bt thr arent ne. I 8 ice creme 2day and I thinked about our luv and how it was like that ice creme, sweet and special.
Me: baby u r imprtnt 2 me too baby i know that ppl give us shit especially amber but SHE IS JUST A JEALOUZ BITCH who didnt derserve u and now i have u and she is just jealous just like all the other girls and bitches i hav a msg 4 u… BACK OFF BC Friend IS MINE he propozed to me on r 3 month annaversary and we r getting married when i am done with high school.
Friend: I seriously don’t believe that you finished high school
Me: college degree, trick!
Friend: sure
Me: lulz i no right
Friend: I NEW IT
Me: LOL SMILEY FACE
Friend: LOLOLOLOL. I believe this is actually killing more brain cells than weed and alcohol combined.

F’ing Amber.

I refuse to accept that the people who have never wasted a second of their lives in the conventional sense, the people who climb mountains and run for high office and find cures for diseases, have succeeded in engaging fully with life. They’re the ones with the damaged relationships and the piles of unread novels, the people who don’t know what Little Walter sounds like…I’m frustrated by how much time has slipped by in my own life, and I’ve wasted more time than most, but I’m not sure I’d feel any better if I’d been more productive.

— Nick Hornby in an interview with Goodreads

Sharingtime Bond

It was my first spy mission and I was deep undercover. The target asked my name. “Biv,” I said suavely. “Roy G.”

He paused. “Your name is all the colors of the rainbow?” he asked as he shot me in the head.

I wasn’t a very good spy.

$50 for 12 bagels is a steal!

$14.40 - one dozen bagels from H&H in NYC

$35.74 - shipping cost to overnight one dozen bagels to Colorado

———————

$50.14 total cost

That’s only a little over $4 per bagel! I’m pretty sure I’m going to do this at some point. At the very least, I’d like to be known around town as a man who has his food overnighted to him from New York City.

It’s chocolate molten lava cake, but it’s also an edible butterfly.

Whitney Houston and I have quite a bit in common

• I too do not know if he really loves me (though since I am not homosexual and not actively entering into relationships with men, I do not believe this to be the case)
• I hope life treats Kevin Costner kind and that he has all that he’s dreamed of
• I have done massive amounts of cocaine with Bobby Brown
• Sometimes after I exhale, I say “shoop shoop”
• I’m interesting in the prospect of dancing with someone who loves me, ohhhhh, ohhhhh, come on baby, haha, yea, now get with this
• I’ve learned to love myself *wink* *rim shot* *audience groan* *self-loathing*

I wish you were my ex because that would mean we did it in real life and not just two characters I made in The Sims.