Watch me on Thursdays at 9:30 on NBC!
SCENE: Dinner at a fancy restaurant.
Woman: I'm not romantically interested in you.
Me: Neither am I, but you don't see me not masturbating, do you?! *huge laugh from studio audience*
Woman: You're right, I don't. But only because you have a napkin covering it. *audience woos* You seem to think that's hiding the fact that you're pleasuring yourself at the table, but it is not. *audience gasps*
Me: Is this why you're not romantically interested in me?
Woman: No, that's mainly due to your looks and your personality. *huge laugh from studio audience*
Me: Haven't heard that one before! *huge laugh from studio audience* I'm gonna finish up.
Woman: Finish up what? We haven't ordered yet.
Me: You know. That. *points down* *huge laugh from studio audience*
Woman: You need me to leave?
Me: It's weird to experience sexual pleasure when a woman is in the same room. *huge laugh from studio audience, followed by head shaking and frowning*
Woman: You are deeply flawed.
Me: TELL ME ABOUT IT! *huge laugh from studio audience*
(This is a scene from my new NBC sitcom "Lee" taped before a live studio audience. It's totally edgy and everyone is going to love it.)
