We're both American Masters
SCENE: On the phone with a friend of mine.
Me: Hey, you wanna come over and watch that PBS special on Woody Allen tonight?
Her: No, you're just going to try to sleep with me the second I walk in.
Me: I'm insulted.
Her: I can hear you unwrapping a condom.
Me: Not true. I'm playing with a water balloon.
Her: Why would you do that?
Me: I don't know, they're much cheaper than condoms. I got 100 for like a buck, and in awesome colors!
Her: You're gross. Wait, you don't even have a TV.
Me: I kinda just thought I'd wear a plaid jacket and some wireframe glasses and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between us.
Her: Only one of you has talent, my dear.
Me: I think it's pretty talented of me to not get anyone pregnant while wearing a water balloon.
Her: You're still a virgin, right?
Me: I think the show's starting!
*click*
