I'm a womanizer
SCENE: a club, 2am
Me: Hey.
Her: Hey.
Me: I'm not paying child support.
Her: What?
Me: I mean, inevitably I'm going to get you pregnant and we'll have some sort of falling out, and I'm just letting you know that I'm not going to pay child support.
Her: That's kind of presumptuous considering I just met you about thirty seconds ago.
Me: Playing hard to get, are we?
Her: ...
Me: Fine. I'll pay half of whatever the government says I owe because I'm only half responsible for the kid. The other half is because of your underies.
Her: Ovaries?
Me: SOMEONE has a high opinion of themselves!!!
Her: How about you buy me a drink and we'll go from there?
Me: I'll buy you half a drink and you can have this infant formula I just stole from Walgreens.
Her: Who brings infant formula to a club?
Me: A guy who wants to make his baby happy.
Her: You're funny.
Me: I know you said that to distract me from the fact that you're dialing 911.
