Sharing Time!

Christmas Tree Buying Tips From A Jew

• Buy the tree that looks the greenest. Light the other ones on fire.
• Smell each tree deeply. Then smell the tree salesman deeply. If he objects to you smelling him, find somewhere else to buy a tree. He cannot be trusted.
• Pose in front of each tree as if you were Jesus on the cross. Don’t do this to help you find the right tree, do this is because it is hilarious.
• Ask the tree salesman if he thinks your girlfriend could fit an entire tree in her vagina. When he acts insulted, remind him that your girlfriend is a yeti and that she likes it rough.
• Become an ordained rabbi. Go to the tree buying place in full garb. Quickly throw a tree on the roof of your Izuzu and get the fuck out of there. You’ll get away with it. Who’s gonna believe that a rabbi stole a Christmas tree?

Notes

1. johnnyonespur reblogged this from sharingtime
2. hauntedbakery liked this
3. krisotron reblogged this from sharingtime
4. whatifimright liked this
5. absolutenostalgia reblogged this from sharingtime
6. illustratedexample liked this
7. missmala liked this
8. claireeerose reblogged this from sharingtime
9. flamelikeme liked this
10. flamelikeme said: here’s a fact: when i was 10, i was in a short film called “THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A CHANNUKAH BUSH, SANDY GOLDSTEIN.” i played the goy best friend because i was blonde, they hired a catholic brunette to learn the hebrew prayers for the role
11. sherry said: and also: find the best deal on christmas trees in the entire city.
12. sherry liked this
13. noraleah liked this
14. meganomalous liked this
15. sharingtime posted this