Happy anniversary, baby!
SCENE: 6 AM, a young woman's bedroom.
Me: Happy anniversary, baby!
Her: How did you get into my apartment?
Me: Don't get the mace out yet! Your roommate let me in.
Her: I live alone.
Me: Hmm. Your dog?
Her: Right. Didn't we go on one date, like, six months ago? What is this the anniversary of?
Me: Of the day I knew you were never going to call me again.
Her: So the day we met?
Me: Yep!
Her: Cool. Can you not break into my apartment again? It's pretty creepy.
Me: Yeah, sure. I just thought it would be a fun surprise!
Her: It's a little surprising I haven't maced you yet.
Me: You know what? I'm going to save you the trouble and just mace myself.
Her: You don't have to do that. You can just lea...
I begin macing myself.
Me: This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Her: I don't doubt that.
