If the story behind Hanukkah happened today
Judah Maccabee was all, “Hey guys, let’s get on twitter and see if other Jews will help us fight that enemy of ours!”
And the Jews were all retweeting the revolution and shit, though some other Jews were like, “The revolution is really on Facebook, bro.” And Judah was like, “REALLY? REALLY? SERIOUSLY? LITERALLY?” and a million other words that were fucking annoying, but everyone listened to him because he’s JUDAH, you know, and he’s a great warrior.
And then the Maccabees won and Judah was all, “It’s Hanukkah, bitches! We won! And we got a million retweets! And a million likes on Facebook and tumblr, and all is well!”
Then some Jews were like, “Oh shit, our iPhone 4S’s battery life lasted like 8 hours!”
And the Jews replied, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!” and then they celebrated and prayed to the Gods of money and youth.
