When Jay-Z had a kid…
…he wrote her a song. That’s an extremely sweet gesture.
Here are a list of things I did for my children shortly after they were born. I’m pretty sure I’m a better dad than Hova could ever be.
Baby #1: Asked the mom if she was sure it was mine. When she confirmed it was, openly weeped in front of the baby boy.
Baby #2: Bought a cigar, realized I hated them. Tried to see if the baby could smoke it. Was escorted out of the hospital.
Baby #3: Complained that I was missing an NFL playoff game and that the baby would still be alive and a newborn after the Packers won.
Baby #4: Jesus, it wasn’t until I wrote this post that I realized I had four kids.
Baby #5: Handed the baby girl a gift certificate for a hysterectomy and said she could get the full cash value when she was older.
Baby #6: Wrote a rap called “B.I.C.” because I tried to get the mom to name her after my favorite pen. The mom was not amused.
