Kiss me.
SCENE: sitting on my couch in my apartment, 7pm
Me: I really want to kiss you.
Her: It's probably best you didn't.
Me: Why? Why else would you have come up to my apartment if you didn't want me to make a move on you?
Her: Oh, I heard you had HBO.
Me: You heard?
Her: Well, you mentioned it at dinner. You said, "I have HBO." Then you asked me if I was impressed. I wasn't, but I do love True Blood, so I thought maybe I could catch up on last season.
Me: Didn't you think that coming here might give me the wrong idea?
Her: I didn't really think about it.
Me: Ok, this pains me to say, but for some reason I still want to kiss you.
Her: Yeah, I'm much better looking than you. That makes sense.
Me: But you still won't kiss me?
Her: If you'll shut up so I can watch these vampires fuck, I'll think about it.
(Silence for three uninterrupted hours of True Blood episodes.)
Me: Can I kiss you now?
Her: Sure.
Me: Ok, I'm going to use my tongue.
Her: Gross. Look, I can't do this.
Me: You just made me watch three hours of True Blood!
Her: Fine, just kiss me on the cheek.
I kiss her on the cheek.
Her: For some reason that felt creepier.
Me: I still used my tongue.
