Never eat out
Me: I'm running early to dinner, so I'm going to get us a table when I get there.
Her: No need. I reserved us a table. I Opentable'd that shit.
Me: Great. I'm going to sit at that table and wait for you.
Her: No you're not.
Me: I'm not what?
Her: Sitting at the table before I get there.
Me: Umm, why not?
Her: Because we're eating together. You're not going to figure out what you want before I get there. Neither of us has been there, and I thought we were going to experience it together...
Me: We are going to go through it together. Our souls will be entwined over a cheese plate, baby.
Her: No. They won't be.
Me: It doesn't matter that I already looked at the menu online.
Her: Why?!
Me: I've looked at every menu in this town to decide what I'd want to eat if I got the chance.
Her: Jesus, you take the fun out of everything.
Me: I like being prepared.
Her: That's like asking someone to play Scrabble and then pre-filling out your part of the board.
Me: Like I'd ever play Scrabble with you again. Last time you kept asking me if "tainthead" was an allowed word, and then pointed at my head repeatedly.
Her: It's pronounced tainth-ead. Sounds like english from the olden days to me.
