How I imagine the party my company is throwing in Denver tonight will go
I walk into the dimly lit bar wearing my coolest clothes I definitely didn’t steal from T.J. Maxx. Everyone is holding martinis in their hand.
“Hi Lee!” everyone exclaims at the same time, with all the pretty girls saying it just a little bit louder to show how sexually excited they are to see me.
“Hi everyone!” I say, and slyly wink at all the pretty girls, but to the guys it just looks like I’m blinking.
One of the pretty girls approaches me.
“Lee! It’s been a long time! How are you, and why don’t you call me anymore?”
I smile because I knew this was coming, and had come up with the perfect response.
“I’ve been real busy working on my biceps. You know how it is.”
SCORE.
“No, I mean, why haven’t you left one of those long, rambling voicemails where you ask me out on a date, and then start listing out the dates you’re free anymore? Last time you called, you were on March 12, 2013.”
“I’ve been seeing a therapist.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Yeah, but mostly just workin on my bis and tris and quads.”
