What I predict will happen when I go out tonight
A group of attractive women in their 20s are gossiping.
“Man, that guy over at the bar is cute,” the one model says to the other model, but not the really skinny, ugly kind.
“You mean the guy who’s 6’3” who looks like he works out every day who is also a doctor?” says the other model.
“No, stupid! The guy next to him. The guy who’s 5’6” and clearly Jewish because look at that nose. The one with half of his face swollen, like he just got a wisdom tooth out? That one,” said another woman who is pretty.
“I love a man who can afford oral surgery,” said the Playboy Playmate.
“Me too!” said the Victoria’s Secret model.
“And me!” said a girl who didn’t even know them, but overheard and could totally see herself with that dude with the swollen face.
I walk up to the group that is now fifty strong.
“Ladies,” I say. “Who’s up for a 51-way?”
Fifty-one hands go up at once (I raised my hand too).
“It’s going to be a long night,” I say.
The entire bar laughs. But it’s just another Friday night for a man with half a swollen face.
