Sharingtime’s Advice Corner
This was an actual letter sent to Dear Prudence, an advice column on Slate.com. Below is my response.
Dear Prudence,
I am currently in a relationship with a great guy. He is sweet and caring, and we get along very well. There is, of course, one problem that has existed for quite a while but is really starting to bother me now. I am very ticklish, and I hate being tickled. He found out about this weakness when we first started dating, and since then, barely a day goes by when he doesn’t try to tickle me. Whenever we are lying on the couch or in bed together, he will start tickling me, and when I react he gets on top of me and pins me down so that I can’t defend myself. I have repeatedly told him that I hate being tickled, that it makes me feel vulnerable and no longer in control of my body, and when he continues to do it, it is disrespectful. He insists that because I laugh, I must enjoy it. He adds that I need to learn to master my mind, and once I “convince” myself that I am not ticklish, then I won’t panic when he tickles me. What should I say to him that gets my point across?
—Tickled Pink
Dear Tickled Pink,
What should you say to him? How about this?
“If you tickle me one more time, I swear to God I will take a kitchen knife and slice your balls off. Have you noticed how I’ve been chopping up onions and apples in the kitchen for weeks and not cooked anything with onions or apples? I’ve been preparing. For your balls. To cut them. I am not fucking around here, Charles (his name is probably Charles).”
If that little speech doesn’t get your point across, I’d try stabbing at his genitals like you promised. I bet he stops tickling you pretty quickly. Also, your boyfriend is a douche.
Sincerely,
Sharingtime
