Sharingtime orders coffee
Barista: How was your weekend, sir?
Me: Pretty good. I had sex. Yours?
Barista: Oh. Sir, I'm not really comfortable talking about that with you. Weather sure has been hot though! What can I get you?
Me: Not as hot as the sex I just had! A coffee.
Barista: Is that a small?
Me: I think it's average sized. She was cool with it.
Barista: I mean the coffee you asked me for.
Me: I'd like an average?
Barista: That doesn't make sense. You're doing a horrible job covering up your mistake. But I'll let it go because I cannot wait to end this conversation. I'll get you a medium.
Me: I can't wait to end my streak of not having sex.
Barista: You just told me you had sex this weekend.
Me: Oops. Can you give me a pump of vanilla? That'll be real tasty.
Barista: Do you really want vanilla in your coffee or are you just trying to be suggestive?
Me: Oh right, I'm in a coffeeshop. Umm, I want it in my coffee?
Barista: I'll give it to you in your coffee, alright.
Me: Feisty barista!
Barista pours entire pot of scalding coffee on my head.
Me: OUCH! What the fuck?! Hey, where's my pump of vanilla, you stuck up whore?
Barista shoots the vanilla in my eye.
Barista: You did not have sex this weekend! Admit it! No one likes you!
Me: I admit nothing! I had a fiveway with sixteen women!
Barista: That doesn't make sense.
Me: Sorry, pretty preoccupied with the fact that my skin is melting.
Barista: This sure is a crazy day at work at this GLOBAL COFFEE CHAIN!
(slide whistle sound effect)
END SCENE
