Emails I have/have not sent
Email I have not sent
Hey baby,
Sorry to hear about your UTI. Or rather, my dick apologizes for FUCKIN YOU SO HARD and giving you that UTI. Am I right? Oh man. We gotta go back to that club next weekend. $800 bottles of Grey Goose ain’t shit. Remember when I said that?!?!?! HA. Good times!
Call me when you get out of work so WE CAN FUCK ALL NIGHT. HAHA. Remember when you said that to me?!?!?! But seriously, call me. Inside jokes abound in this bitch!
Lee
Email I have sent
Hey,
I’m sorry. For everything. Especially when I drunkenly said, “I wanna fuck you so hard I’ll give you a UTI” and then pointed at my dick. I realize now that the pointing was unnecessary, as it was clear I was referring to having intercourse with you using my penis. And I had no idea that at the time you were on the phone with your boyfriend. I’m not blaming your hands free headset, but I’m not not blaming it either. I also didn’t even know you had a boyfriend.
I’m also sorry for when I did the pointing motion to my genitals that I knocked the bottle of Snapple out of your hand. I swear that when I get a job (my uncle’s company is super desperate to find people to clean bathrooms at the abandoned gas station he pretends he owns) that I’ll pay you back right away. I’m just kinda low on funds right now. I know you really like Snapple, so if things work out and I get that bathroom gig, I’ll try to buy you two of them.
Your boyfriend seems like a cool guy. We should all hang out sometime when he’s not threatening to kill me.
Lee
